Convoluted. Confused. Convinced.

Youth of the Nation reminiscence

2009-03-06T11:44:00.007+08:00

Hey there, found this little memory when 'tubing. Okay so I am a little old to call myself a youth but dang I WAS one in 2001. Payable on Death still remains one of my favorite bands of all time. I think I'll toss Good Charlotte out the window now.

The bit about Johnny boy and his antics was soooo me pre-2001. Never one of the boys, broke all the rules and thought of suicide. Its true what they say though, nobody cared before, so why should they care after you've offed yourself? The only one that cared was God. Thank the Lord He knocked some sense into my thick ignoramus skull. Well, people still don't care, but who cares? All the people in the world worshiping at your feet is nothing compared to having the ear and the loving embrace of the Most High. So here's another P.O.D. fave, Alive.

The Child-like Faith

2009-03-02T09:37:00.004+08:00

Many times we hear it: 'Have a child-like faith.' What exactly is it? How can we get it? The short answer is to open your heart to Christ and trust Him totally. To be innocent and believing in the One with all authority.

But is it all blind faith? To not question it at all? Surely not! Maybe you were one of those 'seen and never heard' kids, but as for me, I was as curious as a cat.

Mum and Dad were my figures of authority as a child and I believed they knew everything. So of course I would pester them with questions as random as where do flies come from or why dogs have many kinds of shapes but cats don't. Well, my poor parents did the best they could but after a while, they bought books to satiate my curiousity. That was before internet you see, so I had a mini encyclopedia library by the time I was 12.

While I did find out that my parents were not Omnicient (and good thing too!) somehow quietly in me I still wanted to discover someone who had the answers to everything. So look I did, and despite what they say about him, Einstein was just a man. Leonardo da Vinci was just a man and so was Newton. I can't decipher what Hawking wrote about but based on the fact that he wasn't able to make me understand his profound theories, he was just a man too.

The answer was so simple, God is the only one with all the answers. Yet for a great many years I could not see it. God was a concept of ancient times, this was what I believed. Then I asked myself, on what basis did I put my faith on such a notion? Isn't it not blind faith? The very thing mocked by the men of science? Something was not right here. You can't be practising one thing while condemning it at the same time!

The child-like curiousity and child-like faith go hand-in-hand. In fact, I wager that they are the same thing. Only when you trust someone would you ask that one to impart to you knowledge yes? You need to have faith that that person has the knowledge you want and the abilty to impart it to you. What good is a teacher if he can't teach? What good is a student if he does not trust his teacher?

What I am trying to say is: Don't take anything at face value. God is not random, so neither are His acts. Knowing the mind of God is a pursuit I am willing to extend my life for. In heaven we will know a whole lot more but somehow the chase is half the fun.

A confused world

2008-11-04T13:55:00.006+08:00

The world is messed up; its bitter and angry like a teenager whose parents' are seen to be controlling and outdated. On the one hand, a teenager desires Independence to go out and try his hand on new things; on the other, when things happen that can't be controlled by the teenager, he turns back to his parents and accuses them of not helping him. That's the state of the world now. And it illustrates the relationship science has with God.

Science doesn't stand apart from God and all those who claim it does have to ask themselves: 'So why is science so obsessed with proving God doesn't exist?' Why is science so threatened by the concept of God?

To understand, one has to search into the past. Things never happen without a reason. In the early days of modern science, people like Copernicus and other early scientists were accused of being heretics to the Romish Church. They were heavily persecuted and their discoveries condemned as the lies of the devil. This was the time of the renaissance, which precedes the reformation of Martin Luther.

Thus the sciences had the same birth as the early church of the apostles. Both were persecuted by the more established teachings of the day and attacked viciously by those who refused to be open-minded. Just as the Jews could not comprehend that a Nazarene could be their foretold savior, the corrupted church viewed the emerging sciences as a challenger to their authority. In fact, had they collaborated with the sciences, there would never have been the segregation of the sciences from the church. After all, what most fail to remember is that most of the greatest minds of the day were devout Christians.

Mayhap science had been given to these men to glorify God? To return the church to its true origins? The Catholic church had strayed far from the teachings of Peter, Paul and the other leaders of the First church. Many nonsensical rulings had been made and life as a Christian had been reduced to rituals and repetitive prayer. A change was needed desperately, for no longer could such an establishment call itself the church of Christ. Especially not when Mary worship superseded Christ's preeminence.

The continued battle between men of science and men of God is a continuation of those early days of bad blood. God gave us the ability of cognition, to reason and to understand. Science's advocation of unbiased observation is something God would have us do. To determine for ourselves the way to lead our lives without prejudice. In fact, the corrupt church had increased prejudice in the world, especially in the way blacks from Africa were threated.

It is fortunate that the church's persecution did not quell science's progress in the hearts of true believers. Isaac Newton, inventor of calculus and the laws of gravity among other things, always looked to science as a way to see the face of God. Why no one bothers to remember this detail when calling him a champion of science is beyond me. In this aspect, science's advocates are also guilty of prejudice.

Science is but a minor power that God has bestowed us. Its purpose was to give us a chance to understand the laws of God in nature and to work within this framework. Its a trial. God is watching to see what we will do with the little He has given to us, to determine how we will do with the greater knowledge and understanding He will give us when the time comes. Do we use the knowledge revealed for His Kingdom? Or will we use it to curse His creation?

Remember that all science is only relevant for this world, this physical realm. We are still in boot camp. When we leave for the battlefield will we be victorious, or will we be first casualties?

Religion =/= Relationship

2008-09-24T12:57:00.004+08:00

You know, there is a very very disturbing part of the IC that I hate filling out. No its not the address, even though I normally can't remember the postcode. Its the one labelled 'religion'. Frankly speaking, I have no religion, so it should be 'none'.

Oh-ho! someone cries, You silly girl! YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN!

And so I am! But you see, the problem is, that isn't my religion. Its not even my faith, its my family. For all intentions, it just identifies my extended family. I guess that if someone asks me about my family I would have to say, 'Oh they are doing alright, I suppose.' Really now, you can't expect me to keep track of every last member of a family this size? Especially those whom have already leveled-up?

What really bothers me is how people can go around being so darn pious in a religious setting and just do a one-eighty as soon as they leave that place. You smoke, you drink, you sleep around. And then....you try to tell me your religion is better then mine. Because it has goals, because it has purpose. Hmmm...

Well I'm not going to argue about which religion is better then the rest. That's for you to decide. After all, I don't have a religion. So that argument is incognita for this little bonita.

I just want to say, quit cheating! That behaviour is just soooo leacherous. Its like flitting from one mistress to another. If you want to drink, smoke and catch STDs so badly, then be my guest! Just don't imply you are a good person. If you want to live like a sinner, please admit with pride you are a sinner. There is nothing I dislike more then falsehood. I'm not encouraging you to commit sin, just don't add another sin to yourself.

You see, that's why people have religion, so they can feel better about themselves. Its like taking a bath or getting a pedi/mani combo. To pamper themselves.

The problem happens when you realise 'religion' is supposed to be 'relationship'. When it becomes a relationship, you can no longer justify your actions by saying you've fulfiled your religious obligations because, my dear reader, there are no obligations in a relationship. Its all give and take, both ways. There are no set steps, no formulas, no walkthroughs.

Your Name is like Honey

2008-09-24T12:08:00.007+08:00

As the song goes,

...Your Name is like honey on my lips...

It made me wonder, why was honey used to describe the name of God? God meaning the Lord, or Jesus. Honey was a natural sweetener in the old days but it seems that modern day people really don't have an appreciation for something you can get from your supermarket, all neatly packaged. Honey is more then a sweetener, more then food.

In the old days, honey was not easy to come by. There were no bee farms as we have nowadays so honey was precious, not taken for granted. To procure honey one had to locate the nest, drive the bees away and then rip out the honeycombs, leaving some for the poor bees. The honeycomb which is the beeswax chambers had to be pressed out for the honey. Honey was seldom processed as it is now, there was no straining to remove impurities that caused cloudiness; seldom too is it thick like maple syrup.

To get that honey on your lips is a multi-step process. It is akin to how one comes to God. Your struggles made knowing God all the more sweeter and appreciative of His name. Saying out loud, 'Jesus!' no longer becomes just a formality, it becomes a name with meaning.

Honey is also one of the few things in the world that don't rot. It just doesn't go bad. Pots of honey from 2000 years ago have been found and are still edible, though I'm not sure if the researcher had it on bread. This characteristic of honey is why the song doesn't go 'Your name is like sugar' or other sweeteners. The name of God, well generally we would say the name of Jesus, is Most High. That name has been exalted above all other names. It is eternal, pure, incorruptible, just like the humble honey. You don't have to pay a bomb to have it either, its all natural, you just need to get into the wilderness and find it. Funny isn't it? Its just like the process of finding God.

Granted, honey is still woefully short of describing the awesomeness of God's name, as is all physical things. That's where the second part of the line comes in. Its 'on my lips'.

Honey on its own is good and proper, an almost miraculous food. However, it still needs to get on your lips and in your mouth for you to appreciate it. You can hear about the virtues of honey ad infinitum but you would not be able to understand it if you have never tasted honey. The mouth is an intimate part of a person; you wouldn't let just about anyone kiss you now would you? Therein lies the meaning behind the line. God and His goodness desires an intimate relationship with you.

Well I could go on and describe the next two lines in full detail, but I believe that water and lamps have already been explained a lot more then plain honey. The songs that we sing all have the meaning behind. Not just one, but multiple layers, just waiting for discovery. The beauty of it all is that each person with their own unique set of experiences and desires sees the layer that means the most to them. God bless all who read this and hopefully each song becomes even more meaningful to you. Amen.

The path taken

2008-09-20T10:49:00.011+08:00

Due to the linear nature of our perception of time, life can be described as being a series of crossroads spaced out so far that we can only read the signs on the crossroad without actually seeing the next. Once we have chosen a path, and walk down it, the previous crossroad becomes lost to us; there is no turning back.

Retrospective is perhaps one of the skills people should have less. How many have regretted the actions of the past, the wrong road taken, the aimless wandering of lost years? With the human mind's tendency to hold onto the negative, these memories come back to hound, leading to people either recklessly choosing their path or stopping entirely at a particularly difficult choice. It would be so easy to lose hope, to lose sight of the prize at the end, especially when one doesn't even know what lies at the end.

For the past few weeks, I had an inner struggle at just such a crossroad. A struggle between immediate gratifications and long-term purpose. My spirit man of course, kept pointing me back to God, specifically to one promise: patience. My mind and soul however, or should I say, rationale and emotion, beleaguered each other, at times siding with the spirit, at times at odds. The heart would say, 'Now!' while the mind cautioned against haste. Or the mind says, 'Impossible!' and the heart believes nothing is.

This inner conflict manifested, I regret to say, as increased hostility and aggression. Brooding, apathetic, snide, entirely heartless. I regressed to the condition prior to my knowing Christ. I knew this, yet could not seem to get myself out of it. Against all rationality, I chose to rely on my own strength than on God's. To those who knew me in my old life, I had returned to full form, the point where I functioned best in the natural world. Aggression gave the edge needed to get things done, without wasteful diplomacy. All very very good if you were a cut-throat stock broker, extremely destructive if you lived with godly sisters.

It was unintended, and I regret subjecting my sisters to the 'caged animal' I had become. Wisely though, they never sought to find out the reason behind the madness. I am not sure if I could have responded in a civil manner and things were already dicey enough. Fortunately, it was exam season and most likely they interpreted it as exam anxiety. The truth is, I've never had exam anxiety, not in the past, present, or even conceivable future. I merely postured for others' benefit.

The point of this post is how I eventually stopped this self-destructive behaviour. Well there is nothing amazing about it. There were no visions or dreams or even timely words from others. Since it was a personal matter that afflicted me thus, God dealt with me in a personal manner as well. God's voice in me comes as a still, small voice. It is gentle, understanding, patient, a soothing balm for my warring soul. The God who made me could even command the seas to be calm, and He did still the storm in my heart.

God reminded me of a promise I had made to Him years ago. It was during my stay in KTAR hostel. That one and a half year will always remain in my memory as the happiest time of my life. With an absentee roommate, that room was mine for all practical reasons, my fortress. Before Pastor David had even mentioned coming into the secret place, the holy of holies, this place was the secret place where I could meet God. Coming from a Christian home, I had the foundations, I had only lacked the desire.

The promise I made would be familiar to most born-again. It is simple to pray, hard to execute. I promised God that no one, no one on earth, above or below, here, past or yet to come, would ever come between me and God. Only God would be my master, my Lord eternal. I promised myself to God as His servant, the exact term I used was shieldmaiden. For those of you who are unfamiliar, the shieldmaiden is the protector of a warrior. In other times, they were called valkyria. Utterly unbiblical I supposed, but God made me this way, with the fierceness of a lioness watching her cubs.

A shieldmaiden belongs to her God totally, set apart. I had claimed it for myself, so determining what obstacles would lie in my path. One such obstacle was the cause of these weeks' struggle. So God reminded me, about the promise, both mine and His. The prize at the end of the road was immensely important, so that all obstacles are as pebbles. It was then that I felt the lifting of my burdens and the giddy joy in my spirit.

It was fitting then, at Friday's church prayer, that Pastor Sharon spoke of the lifting of burdens, of finding rest in God, and of rejoicing in the Lord. Such sweet confirmation lifted my spirit even more and during the prayer I found it all too easy to slip into the state which I now know as the place before the throne of God. I trembled all though my body and the joy escaped as tears. It is rare that I allow myself to be so open but the euphoria that comes is matchless.

So have I been magically transformed into a loving, tender, open sister? Not really, what God did was restore me to a rightful balance. There is a purpose for me to be brooding and guarded, just not excessively so. You can be friendly and giddy and hyper on the outside but closed on the inside. I just choose to show things as they are. No pretence.

My Purpose

2008-09-20T10:12:00.008+08:00

I have been meaning to set up a blog for some time now, as a venue to express my thoughts on things people find hard to digest. Moreover, as a method to overcome my inhibition to openness with people, this relatively anonymous blog allows me to say things without constantly checking for signs of disapproval in others' eyes.

Whatever I post here is an expression of my journey with God. It is about the reflections I've had walking alongside God in the sand. Do not seek to judge, lest ye be judged in return. That said, it is my hope that these thoughts would help others in the same predicament - those who endeavour to be a righteous Christian in the biological field. This world is His, and it is only by His grace that we know so much.